Lightning's Thoughts
by RebbieChan
Summary: A series of one-shots focusing on Lightning and her thoughts on the people and the world around her.
1. Odin

**Lightning's Thoughts**

**On Odin**

"To be honest," Lightning glared in the direction of Fang's voice. Anytime she heard that before someone spoke, it meant that they were going to say something either flattering or rude. Knowing Fang, It would most definitely be rude. "The first time I saw your Eidolon, I felt embarrassed for you, but then I remembered that you are a girl after all."

They had made camp in Gran Pulse, much to Lightning's initial protest. She hated feeling like she was wasting time. She couldn't sleep even when she was relieved from her shift in the night watch. "What is that supposed to mean?" Lightning didn't look at her in the eye, but her biting tone made certain that Fang knew the scowl was aimed at her.

A taunting smile came to Fang's lips. "It's a _pony_."

Normally she wouldn't take the bait, but Lightning couldn't help it. "Odin is a stallion!" Her eyes flicked up to meet Fang's, almost betraying the doubt in her mind, before focusing on Hope's back.

"Look at you pout!"

"I am _not_ pouting."

Fang laughed. "What a riot! You're always pouting."

Lightning could think of plenty retorts, most involving the word "bitch." Instead, she grabbed her cape and laid down, draping in over her. "Aren't you supposed to be keep watch, not keeping the rest of us up?" She heard the woman scoff and shift herself, most likely to turn away from her.

She closed her eyes. So what if Odin resembled a pony? She thought of when she was young, before her parents died.

Her mother used to read her and Serah stories of knights and princesses.

_Serah giggled and clapped her hands. "Can I be a princess?" _

_Their mother tapped her nose and smiled, "of course you can dear!"_

_Claire crossed her arms. "Well than I get to be the knight!"_

"_You don't want to be a princess too?" Her mother asked._

"_No way! I have to protect Serah after all!"_

Lightning opened her eyes again, trying to not think about how she had failed. She watched Cocoon and the stars from the cover of her red cape. It felt like a façade. Fang was right. She was no hero, no knight, she was just a girl.

Suddenly she felt so small, so weak. Who was she? Who was she that she had to save Cocoon?

Lightning though of when her parents died, when she changed her name and cast away the things that made her who she was.

"_I am no longer Claire Farron." Serah was asleep in the other room. The fifteen-year old girl cut her long locks, awkwardly, but with determination. She crumpled the forms that she worked so hard on, no longer did she have the choice to go to school._

_She broke open her piggy bank where she had kept savings for a horse of her own. It had been a silly thing to want anyway. The money was needed, so that her sister to have a place to live, so her sister could eat, so that her life didn't have to change the way hers' was._

_She looked down at the table. There laid a form for enlisting into the army. It was the only thing she could think of. There, she knew she could succeed. There, she knew she could learn to protect Serah._

"_I am Lightning," she whispered, scrawling the word to cover the spaces that asked for first and last name._

_There was no going back._

Lightning had never wept for the loss of her parents. She couldn't show weakness, not to the enemy that she fought every day for six years, that enemy called life.

So Fang was embarrassed for her? That somewhere in her repressed state of mind, she still dreamed of owning a horse? That, when she was young, she asked year after year for a pony and nothing else? That he appeared in a flurry of rose petals? That she could not forget when she was little, a smile would come to her face when her father brought home roses for her mother? How it reminded her of her family? Of when she was happy?

She moved her gaze to Hope's back again. He laid, fast asleep, next to her. Would Fang be embarrassed for him to her his nightmares about losing his mother? She didn't know anything. Not about her, not about Hope, not about anything.

From the corner of her eye, she saw movement. Lightning followed it with her eyes. It was Fang, brushing the hair out of Vanille's face. She whispered softly to the girl.

_She's just a girl too._ Lightning thought. Fang wasn't so different from her. She knew, the only reason Fang picked fights with her was her own defense mechanism of sorts. Like how she wore her scowl to keep people away, or how Sazh made a joke out of everything.

Fang must have known too. She must have known that Lightning knew, and could handle a bit of abuse. Maybe it was nice to have that kind of faith in her, or maybe it was just another burden on her shoulders, another person to carry.

Lightning closed her eyes. She still could and would say numerous vile things about Fang, but she would not fail to hold her up.

No, she would not fail ever again.

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><p><strong>AN:** I recently began to lay this game, much against my inner protest (coming off of the disappointment of 12 and hearing a lot of negative backlash for the game) I fell in love with this game. Lightning I think is a really great character, and so I wanted to write her and explore her character more.

Thanks for reading and reviewing! :D


	2. Snow

**Lightning's Thoughts**

**On Snow**

"What I wouldn't give for a taste of Serah's cooking right now," Snow muttered, eyeing up the suspicious-looking cooked rabbit. "Don't you agree, Sis?"

Before Lightning could yell at him for calling her "sis," Fang glared at him. "Eat or die. We don't have the luxury of a home-cooked meal. Or do you have a problem with my cooking?"

"It's not that at all!" Snow backtracked, feeling the woman's hot gaze on him. "I mean, I don't know how you did it back in your time, but things have . . . Evolved from this." He held up his stick of skewered and blackened meat. "and Serah's cooking! I mean wow!" He turned to Lightning. "You agree, don't you, Sis?"

"I'm _not _your sister," Lightning growled. She was certain he just called her that because he knew it pissed her off.

"Aw, come on Lightning, I thought you said you were cool with the wedding and all." He seemed as if he were almost hurt. Sometimes, or more accurately most of the time, he made her sick.

"I told you to not let her down," Lightning snapped, "That doesn't mean I'm 'cool with it.'" This was why she didn't like to get close to people. Tell them one thing and they think everything has changed.

But then, that was Snow. Chummy with everyone, loud, big, and mostly obnoxious. Yet she saw why her sister had fallen for him, and that in itself pissed her off more.

Sazh laughed at the two, flopping onto his back. "That'll be one fun wedding!" While his sarcastic comment seemed to break the tension and return the group to a normal conversation, Lightning continued to eye Snow from across the campfire.

He threw around the word "hero," but that was _her_ job. _She_ was supposed to be Serah's hero, she always had been. And him? He was just going to waltz in and take her sister from her? To take up the role as her knight-in-shining-armor? Lightning bit into her skewered rabbit meat, tearing a chunk off all the while glaring at him. She failed to notice the frightened look on his face.

But no, he didn't see it that way. He saw it as if he were joining her family, not taking Serah away. He just didn't get it. Maybe if he was a hero like he said he was he would have been there during those years when the two sisters struggled to survive on their own. Lightning knew her resentment was stupid and childish, but she was the head of her family and had lofty right to scrutinize her sister's future husband.

"So you made all of your clothing?" She vaguely heard Hope asking Vanille.

"We made everything we had," Vanille answered, "back then we . . . Uh, is something wrong, Lightning?"

"Nothing," Lightning muttered.

"That's a relief!" Snow exclaimed, "you were giving me that look, it was starting to freak me out."

"Look?" She asked dully, only half-interested.

"You know, that "I hate everything" look," Snow started, "though I guess it's not that different from your usual look. You can be pretty scary at times, Sis." She could practically feel her temple throbbing with a mixture of anger and frustration. "Would it kill you to smile?"

"There's nothing to smile about."

"There will be when we see Serah and Dajh again and we save Cocoon, so you have to get some practice in soon."

Vanille's face lit up. "Yes! We should all practice a smile!"

Lightning huffed. She glanced at Snow from the corner of her eye before shooting him a sarcastic half-smile. "Happy?" Before anyone could respond, she stood up. "Come on, we've rested long enough, let's get moving."

Despite how much he annoyed her, Lightning knew how much Snow cared for Serah. It came as a shock at first, to see how he had become, and yet not much of a surprise. Serah would only choose to be with someone who really cared about her and she cared for as well. In all honesty, Lightning had already started to consider Snow a part of the family. She just wasn't ready to let him know that yet.

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><p><strong>AN:** And so chapter 2. Thanks for reading and reviewing, you awesome people you.

In other news, I'm thinking of writing a more serious, continuing-story, multi-chapter fanfiction for XIII/XIII-2. By "thinking of" I mean that I have four chapters outlined as well as studied the butt out of these two games. I won't start writing it until I finish outlining or finish my current continuing story, whichever comes first. Anyway, just letting you know. I'll have more details about it the closer I get to writing it.


	3. Hope

**Lightning's Thoughts**

**On Hope**

Hope tossed his boomerang, knocking out the beast, before he began channeling his energy into a healing spell. The group had been ambushed by a horde of giant flan under Vanille's turn for watch. Lightning cut down the last of them, silence spreading across the field. She was filled with pride over the boy, not surprised that he had grown so skilled. So much so, that she had forgotten her annoyance in Vanille's shortcoming.

Lightning placed a hand on Hope's shoulder. "We should keep moving, other monsters would have heard the struggle and will come in search of an easy meal." Hope glanced up at her and nodded, understanding her form of praise.

Even still, she feared where his growing prowess would lead him. Hope was a smart boy and a quick learner. He understood things that she wished he had never had to learn. His eyes stared with steadfast determination at Cocoon for a moment.

He was just like her, too much like her, but at least he could learn from her mistakes. That look in his eyes, it was almost chilling. Who would this boy become?

Lightning prayed that he would not become like her.

"Hey Light?" Yet, with one glance back up to her, she knew he would. Hope smiled softly, his doe-eyes shinning in his admiration for her. "What do you think you'll do once this is over?" The two fell into pace behind Fang and Vanille, Snow and Sazh bringing up the rear. "I mean, you aren't going to go back to the military, are you?"

The last thing she wanted for Hope was for him to follow her into the military, he had far too much potential for that. "No," she spoke after a moment of thought, "I won't go back."

"Then what do you have planned?" He asked earnestly.

Lightning always had a plan. Truth be told, she probably spent far too much time planning out what she had to do and when she had to do it. Regardless, for once she didn't have the slightest clue. The possibilities, which used to taunt her, now seemed bright and welcoming.

"Sometimes," Lightning chose her words carefully, knowing that Hope would take every one of the to heart. That knowledge, that reflection of herself in his eyes, was what helped change her. He was the reason, the one thing keeping her check, that she tried to be a different, better person. "it's nice to not worry and dampen the joy to come."

"Right," he took in her words, thinking hard about them, "but, I will go see my father. . .and visit my mother's grave."

Lightning blinked.

If anything, she was surprised that she was surprised at his simple response. As always, the boy was reflective and made her think too. "I think I'll visit my parent's graves too," she spoke just soft enough so that Hope would only hear.

"Hey, kiddo, don't forget that you'll have a wedding to attend!" Snow didn't miss a beat reminding them of what they hadn't forgotten, leaning over with his hands clasped on each of their shoulder's.

Lightning slipped out of his grasp, taking Hope away from him as well in a swift motion. She gave him a death-glare for interrupting their conversation. He had taken away plenty of her time with Serah, she wasn't about to let him ruin her time with Hope as well.

Her annoyance with Snow quickly faded. She felt warmed holding a protective arm around Hope. Lightning knew in that moment that if Hope was the one in need of saving, she would be fighting just as hard to protect him as she was for Serah.

"Don't worry," she extended her hold and ruffled the boy's hair, "he won't forget."

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><p><strong>AN:  
><strong>Sorry for the shortness! Thanks for reading and reviewing! :D


	4. Clothing

**Lightning's Thoughts**

**On Clothing**

Due to her military training, Lightning had become practiced in profiling. Whether it be an enemy, a comrade, or someone she was designed to protect she could pick out most of the information she needed just by looking at them.

There was nothing special about the clothes Sazh wore, and perhaps that utter sense of normalcy was what threw her off about him. He was either just an average Joe, or someone trying hard to blend in to the point where he disappeared. So, in other words, an average Joe. He wasn't someone of importance, so she initially ignored his very presence.

Hope's clothing showed that he was a child, maybe somewhat rebellious, but also sensitive, impressionable, and reserved. She knew to be wary of him instantly. Children are some of the most unpredictable people to deal with.

As for Snow, his clothing made it obvious that he was a delinquent of some sort. It led him to be cocky, loud and tough, but didn't show any sign of his soft side. It made him an easy target for her anger. If he was just some punk, who cared if he was her personal punching bag?

One look could tell anyone that Fang and Vanille were different from others. While not instantly knowing they were of another time, it did not come as a shock. The shape and coloring of Vanille's clothing told of her youth, her optimism, practically screaming that she would be an annoying girl. And Fang?

"_What are you wearing a red cape for, do you think you're a superhero or something?"_

Lightning stood up and folded her arms, watching the horizon intently. She had just relieved Fang from her night watch. Fang always seemed to antagonize her when no one else was listening. She presumed that it was the way of her culture, similar to the struggle to be alpha male, Fang had to assert her presence to the only threatening woman. That would be the only explanation to why it was always her, but even still it did nothing but piss her off.

Fang made it clear that she could take care of herself and she didn't need anyone or anything else. Not only did she assert her independence with a simple look, she was elegant and beautiful in every way. _Except her rotten personality._

In truth, it made Lightning a little jealous. Fang not only appeared strong, but feminine and in comparison she felt silly in her uniform. Lightning wore what she felt to be practical as well as comfortable but next to the effortless draping of Fang's sari, she felt like a child in a costume. Beauty practically radiated from the woman. And Lightning? She felt like a mess.

She knew that she had sacrificed her femininity for the military, for the respect of her comrades, for Serah. It never bothered her before. The problem was that Fang had all that, and sacrificed nothing.

Lighting walked around the perimeter of their camp, pausing to glance at her reflection in a pond. She saw what Fang saw staring back, or at least what she thought Fang saw.

An exhausted young woman putting on a front of heroism. Her hair fell awkwardly around her face from a bad self-hair cut. She probably showed off too much skin. Fluttering behind her in the slight wind, dangled a bright red cape, like that of a hero from a Saturday morning cartoon, mocking her very being.

She remembered being given the choice of a cape. It wasn't a mandatory uniform accessory, but she had chosen to wear it. Lightning liked the grandness of it. It made her feel strong, important, like a knight of old or a hero from a comic book.

Lightning sighed and shook her head, whispering to herself, "I'm worse than Snow."

While that man went on and on about being a hero, at least he didn't wear a symbol of his self-proclaimed heroism like a flag. She glanced down at Snow who was sleeping about a yard away. As her eyes darted from her reflection to his back, she spotted something on the ground. Glancing back, her eyes narrowed with a devious plan.

Using a nearby stick, she prodded the substance just a little bit closer to him. Then, by lightly poking him in the back, she got him to roll over into it. With a slight smile of satisfaction, Lighting moved away, waiting for morning to come.

* * *

><p>"Ugh, Gross!" Snow groaned, waking up covered with streaks of Chocobo-dung.<p>

Hope glanced up at Lightning as the group laughed at his "misfortune." She shot the boy a thumbs-up and the two of them smirked, reveling in the silly prank.

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><p><strong>AN: **While at this point in the game the two of them don't hate Snow, it doesn't mean that they won't mess with him :3

Thanks for reading and reviewing! Also if you haven't already, please check out the poll on my profile!


	5. Bathing

**Lightning's Thoughts**

**On Bathing**

"No peeking now!" Snow laughed as he, Hope and Sazh undressed. Before Lightning had turned away from them, Hope had given her the most pitiful look. He was obviously not used to bathing with others and was wary of the idea.

Lightning folded her arms, watching the horizon for any possible attack. Fang and Vanille sat next to each other just a ways off, talking about their past life on Gran Pulse.

She felt for the boy, not particularly liking public bathing or showering either. There weren't very many women in the military so the women's showers were often empty. Even if there was one or two people in the showers when she came in, they kept to themselves or quickly left. Though with those two men as bathing partners, she had no doubt the boy wouldn't get his privacy.

After long she heard the boys splash out of the river. "Finally got that crap off of me!" She heard Snow exclaim. "I can't believe I rolled through that shi- uh stuff."

"I'm fourteen not eight," she heard Hope speak, "I don't care if you swear."

"You're not the one I'm worried about hearing."

"I doubt Lightning cares either."

"I mean Serah, kiddo!" Snow laughed. "I have to keep classy for my leading lady."

"If you're classy, I'm a chocobo!"

"Well watch where you take a dump next time!"

The three burst out in laughter. It seemed as if the bath had proved to be a bonding experience. She hoped the same would be true for her. Lightning felt on the outside when it came to Fang and Vanille, but then, so did everybody else. Still, it would be nice to feel more comfortable around them, like she felt with the guys.

"It's all yours, ladies!" Snow smiled as he passed Lightning, hanging his coat over his shoulder. She had wondered how that man didn't die of heat stroke wearing that thing all the time. It was the dead of Summer and Snow insisted on wearing as much clothes as possible.

Fang glanced over in their direction and Vanille stood up. "How's the water?" Vanille asked as Hope passed.

"Uh," Always bashful around that girl, Hope glanced back at Lightning for a second, "it's really nice!"

"Great!" Vanille exclaimed hurrying passed the others towards the river. Fang and Lightning followed, setting their weapons down. "Oh!" The girl exclaimed, "remember boys, no peeking either!"

As Lightning took off her boots, she heard them grumble.

"Why would an old guy like me want to?"

"I don't need to when I've got my girl waiting for me." Lightning's eye twitched hearing him call _her_ sister _his_ "girl." She wondered briefly how much he had seen of her, than cursed herself for thinking it. She really didn't want to know.

"Uh," she smiled, hearing Hope's timid response, "I swear! I promise I won't look!" Out of all of them, he was probably the most tortured about the knowledge that there was three women bathing just yards away.

Lightning turned away from the guys to see that Vanille was already in the water, Fang just behind. She quickly adverted her eyes, not expecting that they would be so open with their nakedness. "Hurry up Lightning!" The younger girl waved to her.

Before fully stripping down, she check how far her l'Cie brand was. It didn't seem to be farther than the last time she checked, but it was hard to tell.

Glancing around for a final time, she undressed and hurried into the water until it was about her shoulders. Fang, who had watched Lightning's prudish dash into the river, smirked. Lighting narrowed her eyes at her, arms crossed partially because it was cold and partially to cover herself. It was obvious that the other woman saw her embarrassment as a sign of weakness, despite the fact that if she had kept her eyes to herself in the first place than maybe she wouldn't have felt so insecure. Especially taking in account the way that woman looked at Vanille.

"Funny that the one who shows the most skin, is the one so quick to hide it." Fang spoke with her hands on her hips, her height and the slightly more shallow water hiding nothing. It was almost as if she were trying to show them off.

"Is there something wrong with that?"

"Humph," Fang stretched her arms behind her head, "so you'll be the sex-symbol and not the sex-slave? Pretty much the same thing, right?"

_I don't want to see your boobs, Fang._

"What are you talking about?" Lightning spat, very annoyed that Fang felt she had something over her. She honestly didn't know whether or not she was being made fun of or hit on.

"You're not very far along, Lighting!" Lightning turned to find Vanille had somehow gotten around her other side. "We didn't know," Vanille explained, "since you keep your brand hidden all the time."

Lighting started straight down at the water next to the girl, rather than at her. "Yeah," she edged a little bit away from both of them.

"And don't worry," Vanille placed her hands on Lightning's upper arms, "you'll make someone very happy!"

Being that the last thing she was thinking about for the past week or so was pleasing some man she hadn't met yet, Vanille had caught her completely off guard. In fact, she was utterly speechless.

Vanille just smiled and splashed over to Fang, who began to help the younger girl wash her hair. Lighting relaxed, it seemed like they were going to leave her alone. She glanced back at them for a moment, the younger girl laughing and teasing the other, while Fang smiled fondly. _I don't understand those two._

It made her think of Serah, how she took care of her and watched her grow.

Lighting missed her sister so much.

She moved so that she could sit down, letting herself relax due to the wave of despair she felt. She ran a hand through her hair, brushing out dried blood and a bug.

"_Mom's going to be so mad!" _

"_Then keep quiet and help me!" Claire grabbed a hose, dragging it into the back yard. She had gotten into a fight with some of the boys on the playground and ended up covered from head to toe in mud._

"_You should have just let it go," Serah sighed. She reached down to turn the knob on their water pump until a stream began to spill out from the other end. "They didn't have to let me play with them."_

_Claire bent over to let the water pour over her head, washing the mud out of her hair. "So? They weren't being fair!"_

"_Mom's still going to be mad, it looks like you fell into the sea!" Serah laughed only to have the hose thrown at her, getting just as wet as her sister. "Hey!"_

"_Hose me down." Claire outstretched her arms to either side, making herself a bigger target._

_A devious look came on Serah's face. She aimed the hose so that it was pouring out on her sister's feet. With just enough water pressure . . . She kicked the dial on the pump, water bursting out of the hose and completely drenching Claire._

"_Hey, stop it!"_

"_Can't catch me!"_

"_Wanna bet that?"_

Lightning smiled fondly at the memory. If only she hadn't . . .

She rested her head in her hands. She was exhausted booth mentally and physically.

"Serah…"

Lighting felt water splash over her, she turned to see Vanille staring at her. "Got you Light!"

It was the girl's attempt to make her feel better and maybe, just maybe, it might have helped. Lighting splashed the girl back. Vanille stepped out of the way and the water hit Fang in the face.

"You're going to get it now!" Fang shouted. Vanille squealed of laughter.

Soon the three of them were chasing each other down, splashing one another, and laughing.

"Uh, girls?" They froze at the sound of Snow's call. "Shouldn't we get going soon?"

The girls glanced at one another, suddenly remembering where they were as if they had forgotten. Lighting and Fang made eye contact for a second, a look of acceptance reflecting back. Both quickly glanced away, staring towards the shore.

"I thought I said no peeking!" Vanille called back, hurrying after the other two.

"I'm not!"

"You better not," Lighting taunted, "Serah's watching!"

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><p><strong>AN:** Decided to upload twice this weekend, just for fun^^

Notice how the reason they stopped to bathe was because Snow was covered in the poo from last chapter? :3

Thanks for reading and reviewing! :D


	6. Chocobos

**Lightning's Thoughts**

**On Chocobos**

Lightning would not admit how excited she was when they found chocobos on Gran Pulse. No way was she going to let any of them know how her heart skipped a beat at the thought of riding them. Compared to horses or riding Odin, chocobos were the next best thing.

Sazh was the first to climb up on one. He was on it so fast that she didn't get the chance to see how he had climbed up. Next was Vanille, giggling so much with excitement that she struggled to get on top. No, Lightning couldn't do it that way or else she would look like a fool.

Hope seemed to have the same issue as her, uncertain how to board but not wanting to look silly. The two carefully watched with disappointment as Snow boarded easily due to his height. They turned, almost desperately to watch Fang.

The woman rested her arm around the bird's neck, lifted one leg, and swung herself over. This seemed to do it for Hope, because he quickly turned to the bird next to him and followed suit. Lightning turned to the bird next to her, looking it up and down warily.

_But . . . What if I break it's neck?_

As always, she refused to let any sign of weakness show on her face. She couldn't let them see her as anything but calm and collected. She felt this, despite how all of them had seen her anger, frustration, and turmoil.

Her heart pounded as she reached her arm around it's neck, making sure not to pull at any of it's feathers. It blinked and glanced down at her, it's beak just inches from her face. It was almost as if the bird was asking her what she was waiting for. She raised one leg and quickly sung up onto it's back.

She was surprised how soft a seat the bird's feathers made. The breeze blew and she felt light and free sitting up there.

"We're ready to go then?" Sazh asked, glancing around at everyone to make sure they got on okay.

"Let's go," Lightning leaned forward, pressing her legs against the bird's soft sides to keep her balance. With a light kick the Chocobo was off, trotting into the wilderness.

They rushed past monsters with ease, trotted past trees and crossed streams. The sun shone brightly warming her skin, the wind blowing calmly keeping her at a consistently comfortable temperature. It was almost like sunbathing on the beaches of Bodhum.

"Enjoying yourself?" Snow smiled, trotting up next to her.

Lightning fixed herself a frown. She patted the Chocobo's head. "They aren't the best thing to ride, but they'll do."

"Oh, come on, Light!" Vanille came between them. "Isn't this fun?"

"We have other things to focus on,"

"Come on Grumpy," Sazh said over his shoulder, "No use in thinking about stuff you can't change."

By now Lightning was actually getting pissed, rather than just putting on a tough face. Couldn't they just leave her alone and let her enjoy the ride in peace?

"I rode chocobos almost my whole life and I've never seen someone riding one with such a sour look," Fang rode up on her other side with a big smile on her face, "it's almost funny, Light."

She could imagine it, a young woman atop a giant chicken looking like a child whose ice-cream fell in the sand. Yes, it was funny, and that just annoyed her more. So what if she looked funny?

"It's not like we're riding horses," Lightning muttered.

Fang heard her and laughed. "Ah right, our resident pony princess." She nudged Lightning playfully before moving on to take the lead.

Lightning huffed and shook her head, glad that no one else knew what the other woman was taking about. She patted her chocobo softly. It glanced back at her and cocked it's head.

Yes, it was good enough.

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><p><strong>AN:** Thanks for reading and reviewing!

is was one of the first ideas I had, this one and the first one. My brother and I were playing thirteen and got on some chocobos, earlier I had said something about how you never can get lightning to look directly into the camera and when you so it's actually quite frightening. So, when on the chocobo I was like "we should try to get her to look into the camera again." and it was hilarious! Her pissed off look while on a chocobo was priceless, like, how could you be that upset while riding such a cute thing! :D


	7. Losing Serah

**Lightning's Thoughts**

** On Losing Serah**

_Serah . . . I'm sorry._ Lightning lay, trying to get some sleep, with her arm draped over her eyes. Why did Pulse have to be so big? If it wasn't, then maybe they would be back on Cocoon by now and wouldn't have time to rest. If she didn't have time to rest then she didn't have time to think, but she did and so her memories kept her awake.

She kept playing it over and over again in her head. How could she have thought Serah had made it all up? Who _would _make something like that up? But then, how could her sister of all people have become a l'cie?

Lightning abandoned her, when she needed her, she made her cry. Again. There were too many times she let her sister down.

Serah couldn't even look at her when Snow told her what happened. She had known that Lightning wouldn't listen. That was the worst of it, knowing she had let her down to the point where Serah couldn't even come to her with something. Lightning was supposed to be her home, but she felt she had to run from it.

And yet, so quickly she had become so forgiving and understanding with Hope? In a way that she must have never been with her actual family?

Lightning loved her sister, more than anything. She would do, and had done, anything and everything to keep her safe. She joined the army, gave up school, killed people, gave her a roof over her head and food on the table, found her calling among the Guardian Corps and then gave it all up again. When was the last time that she did something for herself?

Serah knew all that. She knew how much Lightning cared for her, she knew the things she had done and everything she gave up. Because she knew all of that, she was desperate for Lightning's approval. Since Lightning had done so much for her, she had to make her proud, right?

But Lightning, she wanted Serah to be proud of her. And how could she be?

Lightning remembered the first time she shot someone, the first time she killed.

_Lightning felt the recoil, jarring her arm. She stumbled backwards, but felt numb. The body fell as if she were seeing it in slow motion. Her eyes widened, as gasp hanging in her throat. He was dead before he hit the ground._

_Her gun fell from her outstretched hand._

_The first thing that came to her mind was not that she had taken a life, or that she had protected herself, but that she could never look at her sister the same way again._

_Lightning fell to her knees, wanting nothing more to lay there and die in the man's place. _

_How? How could she face Serah? Her sister's smile was burned into her mind. How could-?_

"_Get up Farron!" She could barely hear her superior officer shout as he ran after her. "There's still more!"_

_Indecently, the first time she killed a man was also the first time she had been shot._

_It hit her hard in her chest, piercing into her collarbone. The pain, at first she barely felt it. Then it felt as if it were burning, followed by a sharp pain where her bone had broken. She didn't even hear herself scream, her mouth forcibly forming a wordless cry. Lightning clutched her shoulder, doubling over on the ground._

_Her heart raced, pounding in her ears and drowning out the struggle around her. It felt like everything was falling apart. She never wanted to be a killer. She never wanted to take a life. All she wanted was to protect her sister, give her a home._

_How could a murderer be home?_

"_Lightning!"_

"_Farron!"_

_She felt her superior take her by her good shoulder. "Are you okay?"_

"_Lieutenant?" She glanced up at him but quickly crouched over again, vomiting._

"_The first time is hard on everybody," Amodar muttered. _

Now, Lightning didn't even bat an eye.

She remembered pleading with the lieutenant to not send her home. The mission was supposed to last a few days longer, Serah wouldn't expect her to be home. She hadn't wanted to worry her for being injured. She didn't want to face her with blood on her hands.

Rather than give in to her request, Amodar saw that she was sent to first aid and escorted back home. Lightning would never forget Serah's face when she was escorted to her front door three days early, out of uniform, and bandaged up.

"_Lightning!" Serah gasped. "What happened?" She demanded the information from her escort, whom didn't know much from the situation at all._

"_I-I messed up," Lightning managed to choke out, letting her help her inside._

"_Serah . . . Can you forgive me?"_

Lightning watched the stars, trying to stop her thoughts from jumping around and going were she didn't want them to go.

It wasn't fair. She did all she could, gave all she could give, and still fell short of what her sister deserved. She worked too much, she never took a day off, she began to barely see Serah. It wasn't as if she could stop, she had to help Serah through school and through the university she worked so hard to get into.

And then she started hanging around Snow. Her time with her sister became even more limited than before.

When she saw her sister that day, how she looked ashamed, that there was something she had to tell her . . . Lightning feared that she was pregnant. Then Snow showed her the brand and Lightning tried to deny it, despite that she knew the truth the second she saw it.

Of course Serah hadn't wanted to tell her, how could she make her sister proud as a l'cie? How could she not be mad, when Lightning had begun to get mad at almost everything she did in the past few months. Most of it stemmed from Snow, the elusive boyfriend Serah had that Lightning had yet to see. Either it was grades, chores, or her general absence around the house, she found something to antagonize her and the mystery man she spent so much time with.

She remembered one particular time where it escalated too far. Despite her desire to stop thinking and sleep, the scene played over in her head.

_Lightning had come back from an overnight mission that lasted about a week. She knew it the second she entered her home, someone else had been there._

"_Hey Light!" Serah hurried to greet her at the door. "Welcome home!" Something about her seemed off or on edge. Lightning narrowed her eyes and started off past her. "Aren't you going to rest a bit?" She had been suspicious for a while now, every time she had to leave for an overnight mission for the past few months, she would come home to that feeling._

_She went straight for their room. He had been there, she was certain of it, and might still be. _

_Serah knew right away what she was looking for. "He's not in there you know," she spoke, anger filling her voice. Lightning forcibly pushed open the door anyway, finding the messy room void of human life. "Seriously, Light?" Lightning tried to ignore the venom in her sister's voice as she scanned the room for any evidence with her gaze. "The second you come home, you go snooping around assuming I've done something wrong?"_

_Her exhaustion from the week made for a lack of judgment. "Maybe if you weren't so secretive about everything, then I wouldn't have to!"_

"_Secretive?" Serah scoffed. "I'm not being secretive."_

"_Well for one," she couldn't stop the words from spilling out, knowing she shouldn't use such foul language with her, "I think I have the right to know the name of the guy screwing my sister!"_

"_Lightning!"_

_Serah fumed, but Lightning brushed past her to the kitchen. She did not want to argue with her sister first thing upon getting home. All she wanted was a cool glass of water and a place to sit. Serah stormed after her, not about to let the harsh words go. _

_She opened the cabinet for a glass, finding that they were all dirty and lying in the sink. The table also had breakfast still sitting out, set for two. Lightning clenched her jaw, trying to control her extreme frustration. "All I ask," she chose her words carefully through gritted teeth, "is that when I'm away, you take care of things around the house for me."_

_Serah glanced away, opening her mouth to say something. "Light-"_

"_But apparently you're too busy playing honeymoon with your boyfriend!"_

"_Light," Serah started, "you know I can't sleep by myself."_

A stupid excuse. _"So instead you're just going to mess around with some guy and skip class?" Serah's eyes widened. "Yeah, didn't expect I'd notice that one, but turns out I pay more attention then you think. School doesn't let out until," Lightning glanced up at the time displayed on the stove, "over an hour from now."_

"_It's not like that-!"_

_Lightning slammed her hand down hard on the table, causing Serah to jump. "How is it "like" then! Because I can't see how it isn't what it looks like!"_

_Serah seemed to shrink under her sister's words. "You just don't get it," she muttered, clenching her fists. She took a step forward, closing the space between them. "You base all you know about relationships from assumptions, maybe you'd get it if you weren't nearly twenty-one and never had a date!"_

_Her words stung. Serah was being a childish brat, hitting a nerve that she knew would hurt. "And why do you think that is, do you honestly think that's what I want!" She could feel the sting trying to well up in her eyes and betray her emotions. Lightning bit it back with anger and retort, the only thing she knew how to do. "You go off, running around, and I'll be left having to take care of another stupid, irresponsible child!"_

_Tears built up in her sister's eyes. "You're the worst!" Serah shouted, turning on her heel and slamming their bedroom door behind her._

_She knew it, even as the words came out of her mouth, that she had gone too far. Too much too far. Lighting started to the door, "Serah," she grabbed the door handle, but she felt Serah push it back._

"_Leave me alone!"_

_Both Lightning and Serah knew that she could easily overpower the latter and force open the door, but Lightning knew that it would only make her more angry. Instead she tried to calm herself, taking a deep breath before speaking. "Serah, please let me in."_

"_No!"_

_The thin shred of patience she had mustered up disappeared in seconds. Lightning pounded her fist against the door. "Open this door right now!"_

"_Or else what Lightning? You'll kick me out?" Serah choked on her words, struggling to speak through her tears. "You've already made it clear I'm just a nuisance!"_

"_Stop being immature, that's not what I meant!"_

"_Oh, _I'm_ immature? Who's the one who changed her name to "Lightning?" real mature, Claire."_

"_I'm trying to apologize, Serah!" Lightning couldn't take it anymore, she was trying to stay calm and apologize, but Serah was making it so hard not to simply bust in there and start the shouting match all over again._

"_Well you're doing a wonderful job with it," Serah muttered sarcastically, voice cracking, "add that to all the other things you're so great at!"_

_Lightning slammed her fist into the door as hard as she could. She was so frustrated that she barely felt the pain in her knuckles from the metal. She turned away, pacing the hallway. There wasn't anything she could do. She felt powerless._

_Noticing the dirty dishes, she stalked over and started moving them into the sink, only to grip a glass too hard and shatter it. "Damn it!"_

_She crashed around shouting profanities until she made her way outside. The only thing Lightning could think to do was chuck rocks into the water, letting off a little steam._

_Eventually her throws became skipping of rocks as she calmed herself down, beginning to think of what she should say. "I'm sorry that I'm not the best sister to you, but I just worry because- no, that's not right."_

"_But I do worry. I do care, you are not a nuisance to me. I shouldn't have said that…"_

"_And I'm sorry, you know I don't mean that." _

_Lightning sighed, sitting down on the beach underneath the shadow of her home. She laid back, resting her arms over her eyes. Tears streamed down her face._

"_I am the worst."_

Lightning rolled over onto her side. She kept her eyes closed, hoping that if she could just fall asleep, then it would stop. Her fingers toyed the grass just before her. It gave her something to focus on.

She heard light footsteps, one in the grass near her stomach. Her ears perked, focusing intently on whoever it was. She felt the person place something rounded and cool in her hands. "She wants her sister tonight," it was Snow's soft whisper, that meant . . .

Lightning grasped her sister's crystallized tear and pulled it close to her heart, curling around it.

_Thanks, Snow._

_Turns out I can't sleep by myself either._

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><p><strong>AN:** Thanks for reading and reviewing! :D


	8. Hope's Father

**Lightning's Thoughts**

**On** **Hope's Father**

What went through Hope's father mind upon seeing him show up on his doorstep that night, Lightning would never know. She was glad that she had guessed right, any father would want to see his son safe and back at home.

He must have seen the images on the television. Images of the city his wife and son were staying in erupt in battle, images of his son being chased down by the military, of the rough looking l'cie and the female soldier who protected him.

He must have been worried, scared, and had known they were coming.

Lightning couldn't have been more grateful for a place to rest and to see Hope regain some confidence in his father again. He gave them everything they could possibly ask for, food, bath, beds, his generosity towards Fang Snow and herself came with overwhelming thanks. They had kept his boy safe.

"The kitchen is right over here," Hope led Fang and Lightning around his house as Snow rested. "Dad said that you can help yourselves to anything that's there, just make sure to bring some over to Snow too."

"Well let's see what you got kid," Fang opened the refrigerator door and glanced around. Lighting glanced over the other woman's shoulder. On sight of the food, she suddenly remembered how hungry she was.

It must have been a l'cie thing, she knew they hadn't stopped to eat anything since before she arrived on the purge train. It had been days since then and she had barely even thought about food. The hunger came on in an instant and like an animal she found herself pushing Fang to the side, shoving the first things she could find in her mouth.

An apple! With a crunch it's sweet juices filled her mouth. She kept hold of the fruit with one hand and forced containers of meat and other leftovers into Fangs arms. Lighting turned a bewildered Fang in the direction of the stove muttering, "heat this up," with her mouth full. She returned to the fridge to grab another apple, throwing it at Hope.

"Uh, thanks Light." Hope caught the apple and glanced at his dad who was watching the spectacle.

"How does this thing work?" Fang asked, sounding almost repulsed. "Our stoves were different from this."

"Turn the dial," Lighting called, still digging through the fridge. She poured a bag of shredded cheese into her mouth and grabbed a container of water, guzzling both down as fast as she could.

Fang prodded the dials on the stove, jumping back when the flames shot out of the burner. "Ours are electric!" She explained when Hope gave her a strange look.

"Sorry dad," Hope muttered, shifting his feet.

Lighting peeked up from behind the refrigerator door at the embarrassed sound of his voice, a slice of bologna hanging from her mouth. He was embarrassed for them, for her? She glanced at his father. No, he was worried that his father would not approve.

She would make sure to earn that approval. She had to, for Hope. Lighting took note of the contents of the fridge and quickly whipped up a sandwich.

"Eat up," Lightning handed the sandwich over to Hope, "you have to build up your strength."

"Yeah, okay." Hope took his apple and sandwich over to the table and sat down. Lighting took that moment to address his father directly.

"I'm sorry I could not keep your son better fed," she apologized, stopping herself from saluting on reflex.

The man motioned for her to follow him out into the hallway so that they could talk. The hall was dark, such strong contrast to the spotless white kitchen. "How has he been?"

Her face softened. Hope hadn't needed to worry. "He was shaken up at first, but he's kept strong." He was much stronger than she ever was at his age. She wanted him to know that, she wanted him to know how his son had changed her. Lightning glanced away, breaking eye contact. "He's a good boy, he's very smart, you should be proud of him."

"He's really grown hasn't he?" The man took off his glasses and rubbed them clean on the edge of his shirt. He sighed and shook his head. Lighting felt for him, she knew what it was like to feel powerless and to have no control over the safety of her loved ones. "Thank you, for taking care of my boy."

She let her eyes fall to the floor. "I told him I would protect him," she couldn't help but smile as she spoke the words, "and he promised to protect me."

_That's my boy._ His unspoken words were made clear in his face. He couldn't be more proud of his son. "What did you say your name was?"

Lighting opened her mouth to answer on reflex, then thought better of it. She hesitated slightly as she spoke, "It's Farron, Claire Farron."

"Hey, Lighting!" Hope hurried around the corner. "Do you want to see the rest of the house?"

"Could you bring Snow something to eat first?" Hope nodded, and headed back to the kitchen.

"That's not how the microwave works!" She heard Hope exclaim and run over to the other woman. "Fang!"

_I see._ Maybe he had just been embarrassed for the woman of another time. "He looks up to you, you know." Lighting glanced up at Hope's father.

She knew what he meant, she had seen it happen firsthand and she would not let it happen again. "I promise I will not lead him astray." Father and son put their trust in her and she would not let them down.

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><p><strong>AN:** I'm kinda iffy on this chapter, what do you think?

Thanks for reading and reviewing! :D


	9. Men and Women

**Lightning's Thoughts**

**On Men and Women**

Claire dropped her salute as her instructor left the room. After a long day of training, she was more than ready to get home to Serah. The line of trainees dispersed and she jogged over to the locker rooms to grab a towel.

"Hey, Short-Stack!" She heard one of the guys call out to her. At fifteen, Claire was the youngest trainee going through Basic. The majority were seventeen and the boys enjoyed poking fun at her. She grabbed a towel from a stack outside the locker rooms and hung it around her neck, glaring at them. "C'mere."

"What do you want?" She knew that all they really wanted was to make a fool out of her. They were jealous that some kid, and a girl at that, did just as well as they did.

"Hey don't be like that!" Another guy from the same group started, "it's not like you have to be anywhere."

"I have to pick up my sister from school." Claire did not like this particular group of boys. There were five of them, three were seventeen and the other two were eighteen. They constantly made comments that were rude and ignorant. Not one of them knew a thing about hardship, they all had cozy lives waiting for them back at home. The only reason they joined the army was "for the experience" and then off to the universities it was.

The last thing she would ever admit was that she was incredibly jealous.

"The middle school doesn't let out until an hour from now, you've got time."

"Then quit wasting it." Claire brushed passed the boys to the locker rooms. There were other things that she had planned in that hour that she had to get done.

"Oooh,"

"Teacher's Pet has an attitude!"

She flicked them off over her shoulder.

Not taking the time to shower, Claire wiped the sweat from her face and neck. She didn't particularly like public showering anyway, especially when the other girls were older and more filled out. It was hard to not compare and anyway, she was pretty sure she wasn't supposed to have a piercing. Claire was already only allowed into Basic at her age by special permission, she wasn't about to stretch the Corps generosity by letting all the girls find out.

She glanced in the mirror for a moment. The difference between her and the other girls was obvious. Her grey t-shirt that read "Guardian Corps" in black bold lettering hung off her, almost hanging down low enough to completely cover her little black shorts which she had to pull the drawstring all the way just to keep them on. On the other girls, the shirt was tight and easily tucked into their shorts that extenuated their hips and muscular legs.

It wasn't like she really cared, but she noticed and when she did it bothered her.

Claire retied her tennis shoes and grabbed her bag from her locker, swinging it over her shoulder. As she stared out of the locker room she could here the boys still talking just outside.

"Well, that's the difference between men and women." Her eyes narrowed, assuming the comment was sexist or demeaning in some sort of way. Knowing that group, it probably was. "We never give up!" The speaker turned, noticing Claire coming out of the locker room.

Claire rolled her eyes. Never give up? Them? Ha! What had they even had to fight through, compared to her life?

"What's you're name again kid?" The guy asked. He wore a stupid look on his face, probably thinking he had something clever planned.

"It's Lightning."

A couple of the boys snickered. "Alright, _Lightning_," he put emphasis on the name as if it were a joke in itself, "So you don't agree with my statement?"

"The difference between men and women," Claire started, walking past them to the door to the outside, "is that we are smart enough to know which battles are worth fighting." She stepped out, not bothering to continue dealing with them.

While she was just trying to zing them, Claire did believe what she said. And, if she didn't know better, she would see most boys they way she saw those ones. She flashed her ID to the guard watching the front gates of the compound as she left.

Boys and men were filthy slime balls, mostly jerks and ignorant too. Those were the type she told her sister to watch out for, the guys with egos sky-high, the guys that thought only with their dicks, the guys that made snide remarks at everything, or the ones whose only trait was aggression. Claire glanced both ways before hurrying across the street and down a back alley path that only those who lived off the streets knew. She made quick work of a fire escape, leading out on top of a roof.

Claire grabbed a long wood plank, steadily inching it off the edge of the building so that it eventually rested along a ledge on a taller building. She balanced her way across and pushed the plank back to the other building. Inching across the ledge to the corner, she could climb up to a road that was on a higher level than the first. She waited until a stoplight turned red and the flow of traffic slowed to where she could climb up and over the fence and run across to a side walk on the other side. Claire started through another network of alleys.

But, she knew that wasn't all boys and men, it wasn't even most.

"Hey, Lighting!" Claire stopped in her tracks and turned her gaze up. The boy was without his companions, sitting on a low wall. "What brings you here?"

"Stop trying to be funny, Snow," she snapped, always quick with him, "I've come every day for the past month."

The long and lanky blonde boy dropped down from the wall. He was at least six feet already and still growing taller, by the time he filled out that boy would practically be a giant. "So, you're basically a member of NORA then, huh?"

"This is a temporary alliance and you know it. And NORA is stupid," Claire added, "I can do the same thing without breaking the law and with getting paid." She followed the boy down the alley and up a fire escape.

"It's all about the money with you, huh?" Snow muttered, hopping from on rooftop to the other.

"It has to be, for-"

"Your sister, I know." Snow cut her off, he had heard her excuse a million times before. "When do we get to meet this sister of your's anyway."

"Never," She paused to take in the view from up there. This high up she could see the sea. "I don't need her getting involved with idiots like you."

Snow stopped as well. "Lebreau met her."

"They're in the same class, dumbass. Of course she has." Snow shrugged, staring out at the water. Claire's eye scanned the shoreline. "I'm going to have a house on the shore," she pointed to the west side, "Right over there." She searched her bag quick for a notebook and flipped through the pages before handing it over to Snow. "See?"

Snow glanced down to see Claire's plan, how much money she would have at the end of each month, if she would be at the Academy or on duty, and by the time she was eighteen she would have enough money for a down payment on a home. It was color-coded and everything. "You really planned this out…"

"And NORA fits nowhere in the plan," Claire grabbed the notebook back and stuffed it into her bag. "In a couple of months if I see you, I'll be putting you in handcuffs."

"Oh, kinky Lightning!" Gadot laughed, climbing down to their rooftop. "What did you bring us today?"

"The same inedible crap I always do," Claire answered, digging through her bag again. She took out a bag of food she had snuck from the mess hall. The boys were quick to snatch it up and dig in. "How do you expect to survive as NORA if you can't even find enough to eat?"

"Didn't Snow tell you?" Gadot asked, his mouth full.

"Oh yeah, you know Lebreau's Uncle right? The one who owned all that land?" Claire nodded. "Well he died and left her a piece of it, we're working on building up a bar. We'll make enough funds through there to run our operations."

"And how are you getting the money to pay for building said bar?" She asked. Snow never had a plan that made any sense, one of the other reasons she would never join NORA.

Gadot shrugged, "we're figuring it out."

"Yeah," Snow nodded in agreement, "not everyone is so anal that they have to plan everything to the very last detail, Lightning."

Claire noticed a school bus pass on a street below. "Looks like school is about to get out," she muttered, then louder, "make sure you save some of that for Lebreau."

"Yeah, yeah," Gadot mumbled.

"See you later!" Snow cast her a thumbs-up.

"Maybe," Claire said in response before leaping down to the building's fire escape. She clambered down, hoping to get to the junior high before class let out. Those boys were the good ones, the real men. It was just the few bad making it worse for the rest. It was the same with girls.

There were the types with the worst personalities that everyone seemed to orbit. For guys it was those with egos, pride, and aggression. For girls it was the catty, whiny and devious. The world revolved around those people, but it was the majority on the outer rims that held the world up. Those were her people.

Claire came to the school, jogging up to the front gates. She rested her back against the wall and slid to the ground. The last bell rang and a flood of students rushed out. Resting her head back, she closed her eyes and tried to block out the sound of a thousand feet.

"Hey there, sleepy-head!" Claire blinked open her eyes at the sound of Serah's voice. She brought herself to her feet.

"How was class?"

"Good, but I didn't really understand what we did in science class today, but it was really cool!" Serah went on with excitement as the two set off, telling her sister all about the experiment they preformed in class. Claire smiled and nodded, explaining some of the things her sister didn't understand. "But then Shane kept talking to me, I think he likes me, but he's annoying and kind of a jerk."

"You have to stay away from those kind of boys," Claire reminded her, "you want to find a nice, honest boy, someone sensitive, but tough!" She added, "can't have some wimpy guy who can't take care of you!" Serah laughed. "A sense of humor is always good too."

"And handsome!" Serah added.

"Yes, and handsome."

Claire described the attributes of those boys from the rooftops, not realizing that she would regret it later.

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><p><strong>AN:** What do you guys think? Thanks for reading and reviewing! :D


	10. Diving

**Lightning's Thoughts**

**On Diving**

Perfect form. It had been something Lighting had strove for when she was younger and now, she knew she had it. She took pride in her jumps. Sometimes, it almost felt as if she were flying.

Even among the chaos, she couldn't help but acknowledge her skill in compassion to the others. With an expert jump, she shot down with the group stumbling awkwardly behind.

"That's how people get around on cocoon," she heard Fang say.

"That's how _Light_ gets around!" Hope shouted.

Lighting smirked, how indeed.

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><p>Claire had a plan. She always had a plan, but this one was far more exciting than anything she had thought up in a while. For a while now she had watched the upperclassman at the military academy train and perform their daily work-out routine. She knew now from watching them that there was a tradition, a way in for the underclassmen like her.<p>

"A picnic!" Serah exclaimed, bouncing to her feet with excitement.

"Yeah, up on the pier," Claire pointed in the direction, "over there." Serah seemed suspicious about her sister's insistence on a specific spot, or that she had suggested the idea at all. "See if Yuj wants to come too."

With that, Serah let her suspicions slide. "I'll go call him!"

Claire waiting until she heard Serah's footsteps fading down the hall before quickly putting her swimsuit on under her clothes. The pier was the highest in all of Bohdum, the rock seemed to jut out from the city and outstretch all the way into the sky to Eden.

If she could do it, if she could dive off of the pier, the other soldiers-in-training would have to take her seriously. No more nicknames of "Short-Stack," "Pinkie-Pie," or "Strawberry-Shortcake" for her.

"Light, Yuj can come!" Serah ran back to their room, radiating excitement.

"Get your shoes on, then."

The walk over to the Sanctum facility where Yuj lived wasn't very long. The problem she had with that place, was that those idiots from NORA lived there too. She hated the thought that by going there, those two would meet her sister and somehow corrupt her. Serah was far too trusting for her own good.

Yuj had been ready and waiting outside of the building when they arrived. Claire was glad that Serah could have a friend like him. He was an honest, friendly boy, and she was also fairly certain that she would have to worry about him trying anything with her sister.

"That is probably one of the most beautiful spots in all of Bohdum!" Yuj was saying as they started up the huge hill. "Especially when it starts to get dark and the sky gets all pink and yellow like the rose of the rockery!" Yeah, she was certain he was the type of guy who would never even think about trying anything.

Finally they made it to the top of the pier and sat down in a patch of grass. There had at one point been a fence that went around the edge so that people wouldn't fall off and injure themselves, but after years of wear and vandalism the fence was all but gone.

The three at sandwiches while Claire eyed the edge of the pier. She had already calculated the best distance to start running from, now she only had to visualize herself doing it just right.

She stood up, sliding out of her shoes and pulling her shirt off over her head.

"What are you doing, Lightning?" Serah asked warily.

"Practicing," Claire muttered, stretching out her legs.

"Practicing _what_?"

She pointed to the edge of the pier.

"That's way too high," Serah stood up but Yuj grabbed her wrist.

"I'm pretty sure she knows what she's doing." He said, "haven't you seen the soldiers practice their gravity jumps off of this thing?" Serah made a face and crossed her arms, but sat down anyway.

The majority of the pier was rocky rather than grassy, and so it would make running barefoot painful. Claire had prepared for it by walking over hot coals like she had seen on reality television shows, which had been a whole other bad idea entirely. Still, now she barely felt the pointy rocks jabbing at her feet as she readied herself to make the dash.

_Step one: Strong push-off. Step two: Keep steady pace._ She though to herself while playing over in her head a visual of her succeeding. Claire pushed off and dashed towards the edge. _Step Three: Arms center. Step four: Step together. _She was just at the edge. _Step five: Bend knees and leap, spread out arms for extra momentum. Step six: Flip forward to minimize impact.._

The water was unbelievably cold. It was as if thousands of little needles were jabbing into her skin. Claire kicked towards the surface, a huge smile on her face. _That was . . . A lot of fun!_ She gave Serah and Yuj a thumbs up before swimming back to the beach. Her heart was pounding like crazy with adrenaline.

She strutted back up the hill, proud of her accomplishment. "So?" She asked, resting her hands on her hips.

Serah and Yuj glanced at each other before breaking out into laughter.

"What?" Claire got her answer by a starfish slipping off her head.

_Note to self: Check for hitchhikers._

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><p><strong>AN:** These last few have been a bit "eh" :/

comments/critiques?

Thanks for reading and reviewing! :D


	11. Vanille

**Lightning's Thoughts**

**On Vanille**

There was something off about that girl. Maybe it was just because she was young, but then she really wasn't that young. She had been surprised when Vanille had told her that she was actually nineteen. Lightning had thought she was sixteen or seventeen.

The girl radiated brightness and a false sense of optimism. She giggled and skipped along as they walked through the wilderness of Pulse. Almost every noise that came from her mouth pierced her skull and made her ears want to bleed. Lightning had just about had it.

If it wasn't for the fact that they were all in the same boat and that they really did need to work together, then Lightning would probably have screamed at her. She was just that close to snapping.

"Hey, Light?" Vanille strolled up to walk alongside her, tilting her head curiously. "Are you okay?"

"I have a headache," she snapped.

"Oh, well that just won't do!" Lighting wanted to barf and not just out of utter repulsion that the girl was trying to mom her, but because then she might just be able to throw up all over the girl just to spite her. That would wipe that annoying smile off of her face.

She didn't know what it was about her. Maybe it was that the girl, despite her flowers and sugar and joy, she seemed to be walking on egg-shells. It was like she was hiding something. It was unnatural for anyone to be so peppy in their situation and it felt like the girl was forcing herself to smile. It was an act.

And maybe that was her copping method. Lightning really couldn't blame her for that, it wasn't as if she was any better in that aspect. They had all seen her let out her frustration with her fists, her words, and her walls.

Lighting sighed, "Alright, we'll stop here to rest." The last thing she wanted was to have to deal with Vanille pouting and fussing over her, so she gave in.

"Great!" Vanille exclaimed with a gasp and a jump. Lightning raised her hand to rub her temple. They must not have bras on Gran Pulse.

Hope glanced in her direction and hurried over. "Are you feeling okay? Is it your brand?" Lightning was certain that her headache was just a result of having to listen to Vanille's obnoxious noises all day.

"Oh," But, it didn't hurt to check. Lightning shot the group a look that sent them all turning around or adverting their eyes. She turned away from them and unzipped her turtleneck. It didn't look any different, maybe there was another arrow but she couldn't tell. She zipped back up and cleared her throat. "It's fine."

"Whew," Vanille let out an over-exaggerated deep breath. "Well, now that that's settled Fang and I should scout around." The girl glanced around at the group. "Because we know this area more than anyone else."

"Yeah, sounds good!" Snow agreed. Sazh stretched and flopped onto his back, letting out a sigh of relief.

Lightning sat down in the grass, resting her back against a rock. She didn't like being the reason they had to stop, but she was glad to have Vanille out of her hearing range.

She wondered how those two were so close. Fang didn't seem like the type of person who would hang around a girl like Vanille.

It was weird, it was almost as if Vanille had been looking for a reason to get Fang and herself away from the group.

Some time passed and her headache had waned. Vanille and Fang hadn't came back yet. "I'll go check on them," Lighting huffed, reluctantly pushing herself to her feet. They were probably just talking or something. They hadn't had the chance to catch up privately since they were reunited, but it was still good to make sure they hadn't gotten eaten or something.

A little voice in the back of her mind told her that this felt like a scene in a horror movie. Two girls go missing from the group, one person goes out to search for them and doesn't come back, that pretty much happened in every horror movie she had seen.

Lighting brushed a giant fern out of the way to see Fang and Vanille standing not to far away. As she guessed, they were just talking. She ducked into the foliage, not wanting to be seen and accused of eves-dropping.

She could hear their voices from where she hid.

"You already knew," Fang was speaking, "you knew Ragnarok was the name of destruction."

"It wasn't fair!" Vanille protested, "you had to do all the horrible stuff and I didn't have to do anyth-!"

"That is no reason to lie to me!" Fang shouted. Lighting felt her stomach drop. She didn't want to hear this argument. "You think that's what I want? You of all people!" Lightning closed her eyes, trying to shut the sound out. Fang's voice softened. "Poor kid. You've had it rough."

"Fang…"

"Listen," Lightning thought about attempting to creep away through the bushes and trees, maybe they wouldn't see her. "You're not alone anymore. "

"I'm so sorry," Vanille was crying. Lightning felt terrible for thinking what she had about the girl. If she had followed the conversation correctly, then Vanille had been trying to protect Fang from the memory of what she had done. She had been ashamed for being too weak to help her friend when she sacrificed everything.

"Keep that up, and you'll have me crying soon." Lightning inched a little bit away, making as little noise as possible. "We have a new family now. We stick together, you hear me?"

The problem was, her uniform didn't make for good camouflage. White, and her hair color, would stick out like a sore thumb among all the green. If they looked in her direction she would be seen. She pressed herself completely against the earth, doing the crawl the way she had been taught in her military training.

What she didn't know was that there was a rare type of snake native to the Oerba area that was white and giant. This snake also happened to be Fang's favorite treat. From their vantage point, Lightning looked like that snake slithering through the undergrowth.

The tip of Fang's spear burrowed into the earth far too close to Lightning's head, and she gasped as fang landed on to of her.

"Just what are you doing?" Fang exclaimed, half surprised and half angry to find that her prey was actually just her comrade.

"What are _you_ doing!" Lighting shouted, moving to push Fang off.

"Ah, ah, ah, not so fast," Fang kept Lighting against the ground, gravity working to her advantage. "What are you doing spying on us?"

Vanille peeked over Fang's shoulder and giggled. "Caught you, Light!"

Lighting sighed, despite her newfound respect for Vanille, she was still annoying.

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><p><strong>AN:** Thanks for reading and reviewing! :D


	12. Flirting

**Lightning's Thoughts**

**On Flirting**

"What about you, Light?" Fang asked. They had been trading stories about their lives before all the l'cie craziness began. Hope had talked about starting his freshman year at high school in the fall, the classes he was taking, and the kids from his neighborhood. Sazh explained his career as an aircraft engineer and the type of ships he worked on. Snow went on about NORA and Serah. Fang and Vanille explained their culture and village.

"There's not much to tell," Lightning muttered.

"Oh come on," Snow laughed, "you could at least tell the story about when you tried to arrest me!"

"I _did_ arrest you, more than once." Lighting glared at him. _That_ was what he was going to bring up? "The Lieutenant just let you off every time."

"I said it before and I'll say it again," Sazh sounded exasperated, "you have one messed up family."

"We are not family yet," Lighting made sure to remind everyone of this at every chance she could get.

"_Yet_," Snow exclaimed triumphantly, "I heard a 'yet!'" Lightning rolled her eyes, she would let him have his victory for now.

"So, Lightning?" Vanille asked, getting uncomfortably close. "How about it? Do you have a special someone too?"

Lightning leaned away from her, "uh…"

"Lightning's a lone wolf!" Snow exclaimed, clapping her on the back.

She swatted him away, face getting red. "What do you know?"

"You do!" Vanille squealed, her face lighting up with excitement. Even Sazh and Fang leaned forward, curious in the thought that the ex-soldier might have a love life. Hope, on the other hand, looked rather sick.

"Uh…well, no." She could feel her face going hot. It was incredibly embarrassing to have them asking about that kind of thing. She'd rather have the tough lone wolf image just about then, rather than some doting damsel in love.

"Ha! You're blushing!" Fang seemed to find this all too funny.

Lighting rolled her eyes and huffed. This wasn't something she liked taking about, the only person she felt comfortable with when it came to that subject was her sister. Even then, she still didn't like to talk about it much. Knowing this group though, they were going to pester her until she either gave them what they want or blow up at them. She decided to try and worm her way out of it. "What about you, then, huh Fang?" She smirked, watching the other woman squirm. "Have a special someone?"

Fang leaned away, her cocky posture gone. She quickly glanced at Vanille and then the ground. "Uh…"

"Hey, that's no fair!" Vanille butted in, ruining her chances. "We asked first!"

Lighting narrowed her eyes at the pair of them. "Fine!" She folded her arms. "You want to know?" She knew she couldn't lie while looking any of them in the eye, so she focused on the campfire instead. "Sure, I get admirers here and there," She was certain they wouldn't buy it, hating how fake it sounded to her ears, "but I don't have the time to spare between the military and taking care of Serah."

The group murmured their dissent at the uninteresting story. "How about you kiddo?" Sazh playfully shoved Hope. "Got a little miss?'

Lighting let out a tense sigh of relief. Thank goodness she hadn't had to tell them the truth. What she had told them had at one point been true, but she had long ran out of admirers by now.

She had past the time where her fellow soldiers would hit on her, all of them quickly coming to respect her as an equal rather than a piece of meat. Lighting was not only perfectly fine with that, and rather preferred it. Her issue was with the typical way of finding a man, the club scene.

She unintentionally had a…habit of scaring men off.

* * *

><p>"Hello there, beautiful!"<p>

Lightning glanced up from her drink. He was attractive, had a nice smile and good teeth. She tried to smile, but it came out as more of a grimace.

"I'm Brad, what's you're name?"

"Lightning."

"That's an interesting name,"

"My parents died."

It was never as if she spoke to much, she just said all the wrong things. More often than not, she was too honest. It didn't take her long to realize that "I kill people" wasn't a good response for the question "what do you do for a living?"

But, when people asked, she couldn't just lie. Not to someone who could potentially become an important part of her and her sister's life.

She always had her sister in the back of her mind. She was always fighting over being single and therefore showing that Serah didn't need a man to be successful or finding a man that could also be a good male role-model for her sister, who didn't remember their father at all.

"Are you even trying?" Serah would ask. "I'm saying this honestly, as you're sister, it's a bit sad that you haven't ever had a real date."

"Yeah, thanks Serah," Lightning muttered. She kept her arms folded and legs crossed, eyes set on the television, flipping the channels.

"I don't mean it like that!" Serah exclaimed, laying on the sofa next to her. She lifted the bowl of popcorn she had resting on her stomach up, at Lightning's shoulder. The older sister took a handful and she brought the bowl back down, throwing a kernel up in the air to catch in her mouth. "I mean, you have a great body, guys are sure to be all over you."

"Must be my charming personality," Lightning said sarcastically.

"Ha, ha," Serah mocked. "Now I'm being serious here-"

"So am I."

"Do you know how to flirt?" The younger sister asked bluntly.

Lightning looked taken aback. "What?" She was bewildered by the question. "I mean, uh, yeah. Of course."

Serah stood up, placing the bowl of popcorn where she had been sitting. "Pretend I'm a guy."

"No, gross." Lightning looked away, trying not to laugh at Serah's excitement. "You're my sister."

Serah placed her hands on her hips. "As long as your idea of flirting isn't making-out with the first guy you see, I'm pretty sure I'll be fine. Come on," she motioned for her to stand up, "get up." Lighting ignored her. Serah lowered her voice, trying to sound like a man, "hey there, sexy!"

Lighting chuckled.

"How about I buy you a drink?"

"No way!" Lighting laughed.

Serah dropped her man-voice, "why not? I'm a very sexy man," she motioned to herself, "obviously!" Lighting just shook her head, hand resting on her temple, still laughing away. "You're hopeless!" Serah huffed, falling back on the couch.

"I think I'm better off finding a guy myself, Serah."

"Just wait," Serah mumbled, mouth already full of popcorn again, "you'll be begging me to come back as you're love coach."

Lighting raised an eyebrow, "Love coach? Maybe I should be asking what _you_ have been up to lately?"

"I go to public high school, Light," Serah spoke mater-of-fact-ly, "there's nothing I haven't seen in those halls." While that may be true, Lighting eyed her sister suspiciously before focusing on the television again. Hopefully she wouldn't have do deal with her sister dating for a long time.

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><p><strong>AN:** Thank you for reading and reviewing!


	13. Her Gunblade

**Lightning's Thoughts**

**On Her Gunblade**

Claire stared up at the huge screen with awe. That was so cool! She watched as the hero of the film annihilated the bad guys with his trusty gunblade. He would save his love from the evil sorceress from Pulse and at the same time, protecting the world from utter destruction.

She loved action movies and admired the heroes. They always fought for justice and love, and despite that she always said that it was corny, she thought that was the coolest thing.

"Did you see that?" Claire turned to her seven year old sister, who probably was too young for the film.

Serah was covering her eyes and ducking her head. "Is the bad guy gone yet?"

"Yeah, Leon saved the day!"

Serah peeked out, "is he gonna see the pretty lady again?"

"I hope so!" The older sister watched the screen intently, following every move and every word. That is until the hero and the heroine met again. She hated the mushy stuff, of course, that was Serah's favorite part.

"They're gonna get married!" Serah giggled as the credits started to roll.

"Sure, but just make sue to not tell mom that I let you watch this, okay?" Claire knew her mom would be angry if she found out that she let Serah watch a pg-13 movie, and especially this one. There was a bunch of violence, gore, and even a sex-scene that she had to fast forward through.

Claire hopped off the couch and grabbed the DVD and put it back it the case. "I got to return this now, are you okay being by yourself for a bit?" Serah nodded and slid off the couch to hurry to their room. "Remember, don't open the door for anybody!"

"I know!" Serah called back, "Just hurry back, Mom'll be mad if she finds out you left me home alone again!"

"Yeah, I know!" Claire slipped on her tennis shoes and hurried out. She kept thinking about the hero's weapon, a gunblade. That was the coolest weapon ever. He could go from close range to far range in seconds, never caught off guard with the weapons' multiple uses. Not only did it do cool things, but it also looked so…

"Bad ass!" Claire exclaimed.

The feeling didn't change when she joined the military. While she was just a cadet, she dreamed of the day that she would get the chance to use one rather then the standard-issue rifles. They were so much more practical then any other military weapon.

That was one thing she kept aiming towards, pestering her superiors with. She had a good argument as to why she should have one too, and it was difficult for them to keep saying no.

Once she was permitted the weapon she cherished it from the get go. Lighting had been so excited when she brought it home for the first time.

"Serah, guess what?" Lighting started as she came through the front door.

Serah glanced up from her math homework, surprised to hear her sister so excited about something. "What is it?" Lightning withdrew her gun blade and held it out to Serah. The younger sister just started blankly back. "You got a new gun...?" She asked, trying to sound happy for her.

"Yeah, the gunblade I had been after!" Lighting reminded her, knowing she had explained her want for the weapon plenty of times.

"Oh, right."

Lighting shoved the weapon back in it's holster and sat at the table across from her sister. Some people just didn't appreciate the aesthetic quality of a gunblade. Beauty and practicality all packed into one, but Serah probably just saw it as another weapon and another way Lighting could get killed.

"I feel much safer with this guy at my side," Lighting offered the bit of information as a way to make her sister worry less.

Serah peeked up from her homework again. "Really!" Lightning nodded. Serah smiled, happily. "That's great to hear!"

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **Thanks for reading and reviewing! :D

So. XIII-2. I've been asked about whether or not I plan on doing this for the sequel. I decided to wait until the DLC came out before I decide anything. It came out. I am doing a sequel, not until I finish up this one though. XIII-2 will be shorter, I've planned out what chapters I'll do, so keep a lookout!

Also I've been asked if I'll do one for DD012. I still don't know yet, haven't played the game/don't have a psp/don't have money to buy psp. I started watching some cutscenes, but I still don't know yet. If I do, it will be after I finish up 2.


	14. Snow and Serah

**Lightning's Thoughts**

**On Serah and Snow**

Lighting had disliked Snow for a very long time. Serah knew that, hearing all of her older sister's stories about the man for years. Still, she often defended the man from her criticisms even before she started dating him behind her sister's back.

The truth was that Lighting was too hard on him, but his code, his way of living, frustrated her. He and the rest of NORA could just join the Guardian Corps and do the same thing legally, instead they did it without the military, illegally and called themselves heroes. It bugged her because, in the basic sense, she did that same things as them, but she was a soldier and not a hero.

She wondered how the two of them even met. It was probably Yuj, who was a mutual friend. Even though Yuj knew how much she wanted to keep Snow away from her sister, she wouldn't put it past the young boy. He had made a good call, they really did seem good for each other, despite how much she didn't want to admit it. That was the real reason she tried to keep the blonde away from Serah, because she knew the two would hit it off.

_He's too old for her anyway,_ she would tell herself. Serah would worry about him all the time as he was always off getting into one mess or another. No, she would not let him meet her sister, ever.

"Where have you been off to lately?" Lighting asked. It was the beginning of Serah's senior year and she expected that she would be busier than her other years, but she had rarely seen her in a couple weeks. She didn't realize that her question would lead her to the understanding that the two had finally met.

"Planning for homecoming started," Serah started, but it was obvious that there was more to tell. Lightning could tell by the way she was paying more attention to her plate of food rather than speaking. "and I have a calculus class, and anatomy, college prep writing is a bit exhausting too," Serah rambled on.

Lightning didn't know the first thing about any of the classes and didn't know if they were really that difficult, of if Serah was just using them as an excuse. Her knowledge of high school subjects dropped off at the tenth grade when she dropped out to join the military instead. She just nodded and listened.

Serah was silent for a while, picking at her fish. "Then," She muttered, "there's this guy."

"Guy?" She raised an eyebrow. It wasn't as if Serah hadn't been on dates or anything, but she rarely sounded so bashful about it. Whoever this guy was, he was someone special in her sister's eyes.

"Yeah," Serah spoke quickly, with and air of finality to her words, "just hanging out a bit, nothing serious or anything."

Normally, Lightning wouldn't press a subject, but the way Serah was talking made her suspicious. "Does the kid have a name?"

Serah finished drinking her milk and wiped her mouth. "Really, Light," she stood up as she spoke, taking her dishes over to the sink, "it's not important, we're not really dating or anything."

"Okay," Lighting muttered, surprised at the dismisal. Serah was adamant about not discussing it. Maybe the guy wasn't that important at all. She shrugged and finished up her supper. Or maybe Serah just didn't want her to know who see was hanging out with, like it was someone like Snow or something.

Lightning shook that thought out of her mind. Serah knew to stay away from Snow, that probably wasn't it. Yet, that thought hung in the pit of her stomach like a rock for days to come.

That feeling of dread only grew as time passed. Serah seemed to be spending more and more time with this guy. That in itself was enough for Lighting to find whoever it was untrustworthy. If he was trying to dominate all of her time, he was probably controlling or self-centered. Though, it wasn't until she started referring to him as her boyfriend that Lightning saw this man as a threat.

Lightning slouched into her spot on the couch, relaxing after a long day of work. From the corner of her eye she spotted Serah darting across the hall, towards the front door. "Where are you going?" She asked, leaning forward.

"Just to the movies," Serah spoke quickly, stopping in the entryway to get her shoes on, "with my boyfriend."

"Wait, since when did you have a boyfriend?" Lighting sat up straight, surprised she hadn't heard about this earlier.

"Since, like, a week or two." Serah had her hand on the door. "Can we talk about this later? I'm going to be late."

She was speechless. Shouldn't Serah had let her known that bit of information when it happened? "Uh, well," she suddenly felt very distant from her sister and she didn't like it, "just make sure to be back by eleven."

Serah looked a little surprised. Lightning had never given her a curfew before, but she had never felt she had to until now. "Uh, okay," the younger sister replied before heading out the door.

_That was…really awkward._

There was definitely a distance between them. She couldn't relax, not after hearing that. Why wouldn't she have told her? It had to be, but then, it couldn't be Snow. That thought kept flying through her mind.

She sighed. Serah had said they would talk about it later, and she would deal with it then.

The problem was, there never was a later. And, whenever Lightning asked, Serah would slip out of saying anything. She was at a loss. Serah was always busy and rarely there and when she was, she wouldn't talk to her if she brought the subject up.

Eventually, Lightning stopped asking questions. Even though she felt like she knew it had to be Snow or someone else she would disapprove of, she didn't want it to come between them. Serah would tell her eventually and she was more likely to on her own terms.

Winter came and went, the sisters getting closer again. They had a few arguments here and there about her mystery boyfriend, but for the most part things were peaceful between them. Still, Lightning was suspicious every time she went away on longer missions. She was certain something was going on, despite however many times Serah denied it.

She kept imagining Snow in her house, using her silverware, eating her food, using her bathroom and…the thought made her shudder, using her bed. While the last one would have been so much of a problem if the sisters didn't share a bed, it still repulsed her.

It wasn't as if she knew for sure that it was Snow either. Lightning was about ninety-five percent certain that Serah's boyfriend was Snow, all she needed was proof. She was certain she had it too, when she saw him at Serah's graduation ceremony. Then she remembered that Yuj was also graduating.

She felt like a detective from the crime shows that played on television. She was always searching the house for clues. Serah noticed, but for the most part ignored it. Confronting the situation would only bring light to the truth.

What Lightning would do once she knew, she didn't know. She knew that it didn't matter what she said or what she did, Serah and Snow would most likely stay together regardless. Lightning hated that thought, even though it was true. It didn't change anything, she still had to know, she still had to do something. That man could not have her sister.

She couldn't have some stupid delinquent as a boyfriend or husband or father of her children. Not her sister.

"I'll be gone two days," Lighting spoke, packing a light bag, "maybe sooner, it shouldn't take very long."

"Be careful!" Serah called as the older sister headed out.

"Don't worry, I'm not even going need this," Lighting placed a hand on the hilt of her gun blade. "It's just formal, diplomacy stuff." In fact, she probably wasn't even needed there. She almost was tempted to not go and hide out in wait for Serah's boyfriend to come over as she knew he would.

It was just her luck that the meeting hadn't lasted long and her duties as escort ended before midnight. Lighting could feel a cocky smile growing on her lips. She could just imagine the look on Serah's face when she'd come home. Her boyfriend was sure to be there and she'd finally get the chance to give that guy a piece of her mind.

When she came to her house, she saw that all the lights were off. Were they already asleep, or not back yet? "Serah?" Lightning called as she came through the front door, touching a panel on the wall to turn on the lights. Her shoes weren't in the entryway.

It was only five past twelve and it was a Friday night. They probably wouldn't be back until another hour or two. Really though, who knew when they would be back or even if they were coming back there. For all she knew, Serah was staying at his place for the night…Or dead. _This is why I give her a curfew!_

She knew that she wouldn't be able to sleep until Serah came back so she turned on the television. Lightning tried to brush off the feeling of dread she felt. It was that feeling she had for so long, that somehow she was losing her and losing her to him.

As time wore on, she began going over what she would say once Serah got back. The hours passed and she became more and more worried, upset and angry. Lightning was about ready to grab her gunblade and storm over to NORA's base of operations but if Serah actually was there, what would she do?

Beat the shit out of Snow. Scream at Serah for being stupid and going behind her back about Snow. Beat the shit out of Snow. And maybe beat him up a third time.

Lightning started pacing through the kitchen, both debating what to do and trying to calm herself down at the same time.

And why, _why_ did Serah have to ignore her warnings about him! Snow was a violent man who spent most of his days beating up monsters with his bare fists for the hell of it. He didn't understand common sense, he was rash and crude and never thought ahead. He rejected his obligations as a citizen of Cocoon, so who's to think that he'd feel "obligated" to a committed relationship? She doubted he could even spell "obligated!"

He was your standard, grade-A street thug and nothing more. Serah deserved far better.

But no, she wouldn't listen to Lightning. Serah had to deliberately decide to throw anything her sister had to say out the window as if she knew nothing. It was almost as if she did it just to prove Lightning wrong. "He could be a good guy," Serah had said anytime Lightning brought up Snow. She didn't give a fuck if he was a good guy, he was a criminal and that was all that mattered!

It was six in the morning. Exhausted from worry, Lighting sat down, running her hands through her hair. She felt as if she could throw up. She couldn't take just sitting there, not being able to do anything.

She kept imagining his hands on her. If Lighting found out he had so much as touched her sister, she would castrate him on the spot.

Finally, a little after seven thirty, she heard someone coming up the steps.

The door opened a crack. "Light…?" Serah's voice was cautious, equally wary of the thoughts that someone had broken in or her sister had returned.

Lightning was at the door in seconds, pulling it the rest of the way open. "Where have you been!" Serah's eyes widened and she glanced behind her. Lightning followed her gaze, understanding. "Hey, big-shot! Show yourself!"

"Light!" Serah whispered, gaze switching from the group of trees just outside their house to her sister and back again.

"Hmph," Lightning folded her arms, not seeing any movement, "your boyfriend's a wimp." She knew that if her predictions were correct, he would fall for her trap.

"I am not!" Although his voice was a bit hoarse, she recognized it instantly.

Serah face-palmed. "You idiot," she groaned.

Lightning was already down the steps as Snow stepped out from his hiding spot. "Hey Light-"

"_I told you to stay away from my sister!_" Lightning shouted, decking him right in the face. She barely heard Serah faintly shout her name as she watched him fall on his ass. She grabbed him roughly by the collar, her voice dangerously low, "so you go and fucking have sex with her!" Letting go of his collar, she shoved him back down.

Normally, she never swore that much. With the lack of sleep, the hours of worry and frustration, and her outright hatred for Snow, Lighting had snapped.

"It's not like that, I swear!" Snow exclaimed, holding his hands up in surrender. "We haven't done anything!"

She could hear Serah's footsteps hurry towards them. "You can't just attack him like that!" The younger sister hurried to Snow's side but Lightning held out her right arm to block her. "Light!"

Lightning was torn, she hated having her sister angry with her but she also wanted to give Snow a piece of her mind. Not only that but she was upset with both of them for making her go crazy with worry. "Then why are you out so late?" She demanded, her question directed at Snow. "I should have your head for keeping her out so long!"

"We got stuck downtown!" Snow started quickly, glancing up at Serah before turning his gaze on Lightning. "We took the bus downtown but there was some sort of incident down there and it stopped us from being able to get to the last bus in time."

"Why didn't you take your bike?" She pressed on, sniffing out any chance that it was a ruse. Now that she thought about it, she didn't want Serah on his bike anyway, it was too dangerous. She glanced back at Serah. "Not that you should be riding it."

Serah rolled her eyes. "Light it's just a-":

"A motorized vehicle whose crashes end in more deaths than any other!" Lighting snapped. "Well?" She rounded back on Snow.

"Gadot needed it, the other one was in the shop. And don't worry Lightning," Snow flashed her a smile, "I'm a great driver!"

"I find that hard to believe." Lightning reluctantly let down her arm, placing her hands on her hips. "And just what were you doing downtown?"

"We went to the midnight showing of _Nightmare Dollhouse_," Serah answered this time.

"How romantic." Lightning muttered dryly. "Then why didn't you just call one of your NORA lackeys to pick you up?"

"I lost my phone, Serah doesn't have one, and we were all out of change," Snow was obviously getting bored with the interrogation. It wasn't like he hadn't been interrogated by her before and this time she had to be plenty more pleasant because or Serah's presence.

She didn't bother asking why they were able to take the first morning bus back if they didn't have any change because both she and Serah had bus passes. While Lightning really just wanted another excuse to hit Snow, she was exhausted and didn't want to deal with him anymore. "Fine," she sighed, "just get out of here." More sternly, she added, "I better not see you hanging around her again."

"Light!" Serah protested, glancing angrily up at her sister. She turned back to Snow and held out a hand to help him up. "I'll see you later."

"Yeah, later." Snow smiled, gingerly rubbing his blackened eye. "Bye Serah, Lightning."

Lighting glared at him until he was out of sight, then she stormed back towards the house. Serah hurried after her. "What was that all about?" Serah asked, an interrogation of her own starting.

Once they got inside the house, Lightning rounded on her. "Why didn't you tell me it was Snow?"

"Because I knew you were going to act like this," Serah turned away from her, shutting the front door, "but I didn't think you would actually hit him!"

When Serah turned away, Lightning spotted something on her neck almost covered up by her shirt. "What is that?"

Serah gave her a weird look before starting to walk past her towards their bedroom. "What is what?"

She stopped her, lightly grabbing her shoulder. There was one on the side of her neck and another where her neck and collar bone met. Serah, probably realizing why her sister was staring at her neck, blushed and shirked away.

"Hickeys. I thought you said you didn't do anything."

"Well, we didn't do _that_, is what we meant." Serah muttered, covering the spots with her hand.

That consoled her by only the slightest amount. She tightened her fists, muttering. "I should've hit him twice."

Lightning hadn't realized how long she had been shaking until Serah placed her hand on her shoulder, easing it down. "I'm sorry for worrying you," Serah said softly, probably just realizing it herself despite that Lighting had been shaking since before she even came home.

The older sister let out a sigh of relief and rested her forehead on Serah's right shoulder. "I'm just glad your alright." She raised her head again, pointing a finger. "But I'm _not_ sorry for hitting him."

Serah stared blankly at her until she finally shook her head. "You're crazy, you know that, right?"

Lightning smiled patting Serah's cheek, squeezing it between her finger and her thumb. "Just figuring that out now, huh?" Serah feigned a glare and they both laughed. The scariest moment in Lightning's life to date had passed with the two in a better spot than before.

Still, as she laid down with Serah's back against hers, that distance was still there. Snow had wormed his way in, making part of her sister's life, for the first time, inaccessible.

It wasn't as if he had stolen part of Serah away from her. He had created a new part, a part that she would never know. It was strange knowing that, stranger still that it was because of that thick-headed moron.

"He wants to formally meet you, you know." Serah whispered in the darkness of their room. Lightning could feel the reverberations of her voice through their backs. "Do you think Tuesday would work?"

"I guess," Lightning mumbled.

"And don't forget to take your birthday off, you have to put in for a day off by Sunday or you might not get it."

"I know."

"Love you."

"Love you too, Serah."

One thing was for sure, if Snow really was going to continue dating her sister then he was going to be put through hell. She would make sure of it.

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><p><strong>AN:** Thanks for reading, i know this one is kinda like the "losing Serah" chapter, sorry.


	15. The Military

**Lightning's Thoughts**

**On The Military**

Lightning wanted so badly to be mad at Sazh for the things he kept saying about soldiers and the military. He seemed like a fair and reasonable man, shouldn't he know not to ask such things of a soldier? It didn't help that she was already in panic mode trying to find her sister.

When he asked her if she would shoot blindly, he already had known -had seen- the truth. She wanted to tell him off, but it was the truth. If it hadn't been for her sister…

But he didn't know, no one knew each soldier's story and every one of them had one.

Sure, she would shoot. Sure, she had. Yes, the military had changed her, but she was still human. Like anyone else, she had a drive and a reason behind it all. The military was like some sort of twisted trap, ensuring it's victims with tempting promises.

The promise of shelter, or a roof over her sister's head, the promise of education and food, it had been all she needed.

It wasn't Lightning's first choice, or any of the choices she seriously contemplated. That is, until her mother began to fall more ill day by day. Then, it became her only choice.

The military became her own personal Hell as well as her salvation. It condemned and protected her. As every soldier she grew to love it loyally, and fear it in the dark. Would she fall, lose her humanity as she had seen others? Would she grow numb to the world, or break under the pressure?

And now? She felt like a dog who had freed herself from it's leash. She wanted both to run back to it's safety as well as to keep running and never return.

People used to ask her what the Guardian Corps was like and she never knew how to answer, "it's alright, better than PSICOM." She never could give a straight answer, she probably wouldn't ever be able to. She had been trained to have steadfast loyalty, blind devotion, and unquestioning eyes.

How could a puppet have an opinion of it's master?

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><p><strong>AN:  
><strong>Hello! Sorry for not updating (I really don't have a legit excuse, I have like five chapters ahead of this written already). Despite that fact, I have been busy with my summer job and getting sick and having relatives over. I haven't written anything in two weeks T_T

This story is getting close to an end, as I said before once this is over I'll start up one for XIII-2. I'm working out what Ideas I'll do for that one. Also I have a Fanfiction idea that I'm working on that (hopefully) will start being uploaded by the end of summer (though I wanted to have already started it, but life likes to mess with my plans). I'll have more info on that the closer I get to finishing up the first chapter.

As always thanks for reading and it's good to be back! :D


	16. Sazh

**Lightning's Thoughts**

**On Sazh**

Sazh was…an interesting man. Lighting watched as he bounced around, taunting the giant Cactai. She wondered whether or not to tell him how dangerous those monsters were. If he got himself in trouble, they could get him out of it.

"Sazh!" Snow came running up to the middle-aged man, a spark of worry in his voice. Lightning turned her attention away and started her way down the hill and back to the rest of the group, Snow would take care of it.

She was surprised how fond she had become of him. When she first met Sazh, well, in all honesty she didn't know why she let him tag along with her. Maybe it was because she needed someone, anyone to be a constant reminder to keep going. Maybe it was because she felt strangely comfortable with him. Either way, they had stuck together.

The silly man actually reminded her a bit of her father, even though she barely remembered him. She could remember how she loved playing with him, how he would always take her and Serah to the coolest places, but now when she thought of his warm smile, she saw Sazh instead. It had to be something like his, right?

"Light!" Hope ran over to her, holding something in his hands. "Look!"

"What is it?" Lightning asked. It looked just like a chunk of metal.

"I made a compass, so now we can chart where we're going at little easier." Light just stared at him. Realization hit him. "Oh, I made it by taking a carbon based metal - carbon is an element, it's in pretty much everything…" Lightning smiled and nodded, not completely understanding what he was saying.

"Alright, I got pops back," Snow called, hurrying down the hill with Sazh.

"Who are you calling pops, kid?" Sazh cuffed the lug of a man on the shoulder.

"Who are you calling a kid, old man!"

"Oh, you're in for it now!"

"All right," Fang called over, "break it up you two!"

Maybe…he was like a father to her. Maybe, he was like a father to all of them.

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><p><strong>AN:** I didn't really know how to end that one... :/


	17. Anger Manangement

**Lightning's Thoughts**

**On Anger Management**

It was her greatest shield against the world, it was what she fell into when there was nowhere else to turn. At the same time, it was what kept her from others and what haunted her. Lightning felt that she shouldn't be trusted with a weapon. It was like a constant reminder that, in a seconds notice, she could simply not take it anymore.

It wasn't like she hadn't killed people before. That was her job and she had become numb to it. Humans can get used to anything, sad as it was. She was afraid she would do it again, taking a life in one of her bursts of anger that she couldn't control.

Lightning felt as if she were a ticking time bomb. Each time seemed to slip her closer and closer to finally losing it. People said she had anger management issues, but that wasn't it.

She was _scared_.

It started when she was young, as she watching her father sink into his grave. He was everything to her. He was her world.

Yet, it a second, he was gone. Not breathing, not living, not smiling and saying her name. Her fists clenched and her heart broke.

Nothing was forever. People were as fragile as the paper planes he used to fly with her. There was a limited amount of time in everyone's lives, and she would not let anything change what she had in hers.

It was a defense mechanism, not to protect her body, but her mind. It was to protect the frightened little girl she kept inside from the harsh reality of the world she knew.

At some point, that changed. Her mother died and Claire faded away, Lightning taking over. She had Serah, the only thing she had left, and she did anything and everything to keep her safe. The fear that became anger, fell back into a worse fear once the anger subsided.

It was constant, all the time. She became impatient, and quick to frustrate. Sometimes, she was just looking for an excuse. There was a fire in her eyes, a hatred for the world or her fate, and a plead for someone to help her, to save her.

Lightning couldn't count how many times she wanted to break down. She never rested, she was always moving. She couldn't do it on her own, she couldn't raise her sister, she couldn't help herself.

It was so much easier, it took less time, to take her desperation and feel it fill her veins with an uncontrollable anger. It was so much simpler to knock something over or knock someone out, then to actually face it.

In the aftermath, she thought of Serah. Serah, who looked up to her kind and gentle big sister. In the aftermath, she became scared of who she had become.

That cycle of anger, Lightning felt, began to rule her life. Serah rarely saw it, but she knew that her little sister knew what was hiding just under the surface. She was the only one who could calm her down, the only one who really understood.

It was the reason that she was so scared when Serah became a l'cie. With Serah, Lightning could be herself. She loved laughing with her, teasing her, and watching her grow. Serah was and will always be her sister as well as the best form of anger management with her simple smile.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **Thanks for reading! :D


	18. Home

**Lightning's Thoughts**

**On Her Home**

"You know what day it is today?' She watched her sister's face, searching for the excitement that she felt. Lightning had finally managed to afford getting a house built for them. "Move in day!" She exclaimed, hefting a few boxes in her arms.

Serah rubbed her eyes and glanced out the window. The sun was just rising. "What time is it?"

"Sis, could you grab that last box?" Lighting nodded towards the only non-furniture thing left in their one-room apartment.

"Light, it's Saturday…" Serah mumbled sleepily as she reluctantly picked up the last box.

"You're going to love it!" Lightning hadn't been this excited in years. Having a home was one more step towards normalcy. It had been four years since their mother died and they lost everything, and now they almost had gotten everything back.

Serah followed as her sister led the way to the bus station. They ignored the weird looks they received. The best part of this house was that it was right on the beach, the location was wonderful. Not only that, but the style was sleek and so _her_. Despite that the two sisters had very different preferences in style - Lightning didn't want to even _think_ about what Serah had said about the modifications to her uniform- but she just knew Serah would love it.

"It's on the beach?" Serah asked as they got off the bus at the shore line. She grazed the shoreline, trying to figure out which home was theirs'.

Lightning pointed. "It's that one!"

Serah stared at it. "Peanut…" she muttered.

"Hmm?" Lightning glanced back at her sister.

"Uh, oh, it's…uh, wonderful!"

Lightning smiled big. Yes, she knew Serah would like it.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **I feel like Lightning has an...interesting sense of style :3

Sorry for no update last week, I was on Vacation. Thanks for reading/reviewing!


	19. Sickness and Stubbornness

**Lightning's Thoughts**

**On Sickness and Stubbornness**

"_Why is mom in the hospital?" Serah grabbed Claire's arm. "Claire, what's going on?"_

_She had her back turned to her sister, she didn't want her to see. Claire closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "She was trying to hide it from us." She kept staring straight ahead, she had to be strong. "I knew it, too. That's why she kept-"_

"_You knew what!" Serah yanked on her arm. "Claire!"_

"_She's-" She wanted to just say it, she wanted to just tell her that their mother wasn't going to make it. Claire had already come to terms with it, she had already began making plans for what they would do once it was over. Yet the words wouldn't come. Serah, how would she take it? She couldn't say it, she couldn't see her cry despite the inevitable. "She's sick, very sick," they were on their way to the hospital, walking there from their house. The path was so familiar, the houses, the trees, but soon it would all be gone. Soon they wouldn't even have their home. "It's cancer." Her voice wavered._

_Her mother had been right. She had taken things for granted. She had been stupid and childish. She should have, maybe she should have spent more time at home instead of wasting all of her time fooling around with her so-called friends who didn't even - Claire shook her head, tears stinging in her eyes. "And she's, she's not-"_

"_Don't say that!" Serah ran in front of her, searching her face for any chance that what she was saying was false. _

_Claire turned to face the ground. She couldn't say it to her face. She couldn't look into her eyes and break her little heart. "Serah." Her voice was firm. _

_Serah wrapped her arms around her. Claire could feel her tears soaking through her shirt. She hugged her sister back, squeezing her tight both for Serah's comfort and her own._

"_Mom wants to say goodbye," Claire whispered hoarsely into Serah's hair. She let go, taking her sister's hand. "Come on, she needs us." Serah nodded and wiped her eyes._

* * *

><p>Having watched her mother waste away before her eyes, Lightning was always very wary of any sort of sickness in general. At least, she was wary when it came to Serah. Serah, of course, found this paranoia irrational and annoying. While the older sister knew that it was, she couldn't help herself.<p>

"Lightning, I don't have a fever," Serah complained. She was sitting at the kitchen table, her cereal getting soggy.

Lightning shook the thermometer before handing it to Serah. "Under the tongue," she instructed.

"Light!" Serah protested. Lightning placed her hands on her hips, waiting. "Ugh, fine," Serah rolled her eyes and stuck the rod under her tongue. The two waited impatiently, both of them knowing what would happen even if she had the slightest fever. There would be no school that day, Lightning might even call in for a personal day.

She knew that she babied her sister at the slightest sign of illness and she knew that Serah almost always found it annoying. But…that was her job as her big sister. She was family and she had to protect her, from anything.

"See? A normal temperature," Serah said, handing the thermometer back, "_told_ _you_ I wasn't sick."

"Alright fine, off to school then." Lightning rolled her eyes at Serah's eye roll. Despite how much Serah complained, when in the reverse situation Serah was just as bad.

* * *

><p>Lightning pressed her hand against her temple, she hadn't gotten any sleep the night before. "You okay?" Serah asked, leaning over in front of the television. "Light?"<p>

"I'm fine."

"If you're not feeling good, you should just go to bed."

Lightning sighed, a ring of annoyance in her voice, "I said I'm fine."

"Sorry for worrying, grumpy-pants," Serah muttered, sitting down on couch next to her.

"I'm not grumpy, you were standing in front of the T.V!" Lightning snapped. Probably the one thing that made her the most angry was when someone thought she was angry. Serah was the worst offender of this. Serah placed a hand on Lightning's forehead. "Get off," She mumbled, batting her hand away.

"You feel a little warm, are you sure you're not sick?"

"Serah, I'm tired and it's, like, a hundred degrees outside." Common sense was not in either of the girls vocabularies when in came to the other. "Of course I'm hot."

"Well if you're tired just go to bed."

Lightning narrowed her eyes and glanced sideways at her sister. "Well," she stretched and feigned a yawn, resting her weight on Serah and squashing her. "I think I'll just sleep here."

"I don't want your sick germs!" Serah squirmed under Lightning's weight, her attempts at freedom futile.

"You mean these germs?" Lightning sent out a barrage of tickles, leaving the younger sister to helplessly squeal with laughter.

Finally, Serah was able to free herself. Her cheeks flushed and she tried to catch her breath.

"But seriously, you should get to sleep."

Lightning sighed. Stubborn as always. _At least she's learned something from me!_

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Parts of this I like and parts I don't, Opinions? :S_  
><em>

Thanks for reading and reviewing! :D


	20. Fang

**Lightning's Thoughts**

**On Fang**

They would win this battle. Lightning's muscles burned with the ache of each movement. They had to. For Serah, for Cocoon, for everyone who had ever fought and died trying to fulfill or defy their focus. She could feel it, the fal'cie was fading.

In turn, the world would fade. How would things turn out? Was this what Bartandelous had wanted all along? Lightning felt herself falling, her hands reaching out to her friends.

Her _friends._ A smile came to her face in all the chaos around them. She had friends, a "family" was what Fang said. When was the last time that she had been this close with anyone other than Serah? With these people, least of all…

What were they doing?

Fang and Vanille stayed separate from the rest. For a moment, just a quick second, she caught Fang's eye.

Fang. The first time she had seen her, the first thought she had was, "who the hell is that?" She must have thought the same thing about her. That wild woman was rash and loud and held her self up with a confident tough-bitch attitude. She spat out insults as fast as Lightning could brandish her blade. Fang was exasperating. She always had to do things her way and "ain't nothing" could change her mind.

Fang was her best friend. It felt weird to think it, but, it was true. While she was a fortress of impenetrable over confidence and stubbornness, she was much more than that. She had to be, as Lightning had to be in her own way, for the person - now, people - they cared most about. They understood each other.

With one look she knew. Maybe it would be the last time they'd ever see one another, maybe it wouldn't solve anything, but she had to do something. Fang would do what she thought would protect them and sacrifice herself.

Lightning would let her. She gave a slight nod and let her friend go.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Lightning Returns anyone? This game...afkdjbihjasdkfh. I'm so excited.

Alright on to the actual author's note:

Sorry for the delay. Stuff happened. I moved. Didn't have internet for a while, bought a router, all is good. Thanks for reading reviewing! If you have any questions/comments/etc feel free.

Also Holy bologna, Lightning Returns. XD


	21. Shopping

**Lightning's Thoughts**

**On Shopping**

"Light? You have tomorrow off right?"

Lightning glanced up from the television. Serah was peeking out the doorway to their bedroom. She wondered what her sister was planning for her this time. "What is it?"

"Uh, well I need to go shopping…"

Ugh. Lightning hated shopping. All it did was remind her of how little she actually had to spend. "Can't you just take Yuj?"

Serah flushed. "No!" Surprised by her reaction, Lighting curiously raised her eyebrows. "I have to get underwear."

It was a real shame that her sister had grown out of the packs of kids wear. How much simpler it was when she could just take a couple minutes to grab one and go. Lightning knew it wouldn't really be all that bad or take all that long, "Alright, we'll go tomorrow."

* * *

><p>It had been a trap. Serah had insisted they go to the mega mall in Palumpolum (Yuj said that it was <em>the<em> place for shopping) and was derailed by every clothing store they passed. Which wouldn't have been so bad if her sister was looking for clothing for herself, but no, oh no. The real reason Serah wanted to go shopping was for Lightning.

"Wouldn't this look great on you?" Serah asked, holding up a pair of jeans. Lightning took on look at the price tag and shook her head. Yes, she probably own maybe two outfits aside from her work uniform and she did need to get some new clothes, but nothing in Palumpolum was within her price range.

"At least try this on," her sister said in the next shop, throwing stacks of clothing at her, "you never know what you might want if you don't try." _That's not the problem._

Finally, after being dragged from one shop to the next, trying on a million things she couldn't even dream to afford, the came to the shop they went there for.

Lightning stopped outside the shop. It's windows were decorated with posters of all-but-naked women in suggestive poses, like something out of an x-rated movie. The floors were pink, the walls were pink, everything about it just seemed wrong. "What's the matter," Serah pulled her sister into the store, "c'mon!"

As Serah dragged her along, Lightning took in what she saw. Everything looked far too mature for her little sister. The word "sexy" was everywhere. She was surprised by how many young girls and how many really old women she saw. _Serah doesn't need underwear like this…does she?_

"These are cute! What do you think?" At least she picked out some of the more modest stuff. It still made her uncomfortable thinking about it.

After that painful experience was over, Lightning had another reason to hate shopping. The day was just about ending as the boarded the train for Bohdum. Lightning trudged through a crowd of passengers to a few open seats.

She had a headache, she had spent far too much money, and had enough of people for a good week. Lightning leaned her head back against the windows. _What a waste of a day._

She felt something hit her shoulder and glanced down. Serah had fallen asleep. Lightning smiled. Maybe shopping wasn't that bad after all.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Thanks for reading/reviewing! :D


	22. Herself

**Lightning's Thoughts:**

**On Herself**

"Nobody's perfect," and certainly, she wasn't. Maybe at one time she was, but she was a different person now. That little girl had long died, struck down by lightning. "And nothing lasts."

Lighting didn't know when the little girl she once was faded away. It started at a young age, holding onto her five-year-old sister's hand, wearing matching black dresses.

She remembered her mother crying and Serah not understanding. The face was what she couldn't remember, the face of the man that meant the world to her. She searched for that face among the boys in the school yard, never finding the kindness she searched for.

Instead, she found bruised knuckles and skinned knees. Claire started to walk away from her and Lightning was left with her fists.

Her mother was dying. Her mother was giving up. Then, her mother was gone.

There was a place in her chest, the part of her that was still Claire, that cracked and crumbled away. It left a hole, a gapping wound that she never took the time to treat. Instead of healing back neatly, it hardened and scarred.

That girl that once was her, had gone. Claire left her so that Lightning could carry both of their weight. War stories always told of boys becoming men overnight, her story told of a girl becoming a woman in a matter of minutes.

She quietly bore her burdens. She quietly hid her feelings away in order to move forward. She gave up childish things, or maybe Lightning never enjoyed them, maybe it was only Claire. While she held herself up on being a soldier, stern, strong, there was always that hole inside. There a little girl curled up, hiding, blocking out the pain.

A smile for her sister, a gentle hug, a kind voice and a guiding arm. Flowers for the table, reminders of the beauties that evade her sight. A salute for the soldier, watchful eyes, and a steady grasp. A finger for the hooligan, anger and hidden joy.

There was always something underneath.

Each day she painted on a new layer, repeating patterns and covering the past up. Each day the paints mixed until she wondered who she had been, who she was, and who she was trying to make herself become. Maybe, one day, they would all peel away and she'd find that underneath it all there was nothing. Just a rotted hole where Claire used to be.

One day everything would fall away and then there would be nothing. Just like Dad. Just like mom. One day, she would stop and everything would keep moving, forgetting she was ever there.

Claire had loved fishing with her father and running along the shore with Serah. She had loved games, and falling asleep under the stars. She loved her mother's warm kisses goodnight.

She loved them, yet even they fell away from her memory.

Lightning wasn't bitter. She was melancholy, hiding behind anger. Her world was a broken place. Evil was patient, cruelly waiting for the most opportune time to rip out people's hearts. The future was bored and as painstaking as the present, as lurking as the past.

And such thinking, such treacherous waters at the back or her mind, only made those hardened scars bleed. It wasn't eggshells that she walked over, it was a tightrope with hot embers on one side and spiked death on the other.

So she exchanged soft smiles and proper salutes, holding her head high and out of the turbulent water with flowers at her table.

With that, maybe, just maybe Claire could stay, safely wrapped within layers of something uncertain.

"Nothing lasts," but screw that, "but it will last as long as I'm here."

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><p><strong>AN: **And so concludes this story. A continuation is already posted I the FFXIII-2 category, since FFN doesn't like links you can find it be either checking there of visiting my profile. Thanks for reading!


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